Nate Nate

What You Do When You're In College Is Your Business

Tonight Jonah asked if a person is allowed to marry two people.  "Sorry," I told him, "everyone only gets one spouse."

It seems that while Jonah has been planning all year to marry Zayna, the aforementioned Nathalie would also like to marry Zayna.  Now poor Jonah isn't sure what to do.

I proposed a solution.  "What about if, instead of marrying anybody, the three of you live together when you're all grown up, as roommates?  You could all hang out together, cook dinner together, go to the movies and stuff.  It would be fun!"

Jonah brightened.  "Ooooo, could we all sleep together?"

Um, no.

How To Be Cool

Jonah and his friend Nathalie enjoy a weekly afterschool playdate in the school courtyard while we wait for Nate's piano lesson to end (and Nathalie's to start).  The other day the two of them took turns trying on my sunglasses and attempting to look cool.  "No," Jonah cautioned his friend, "don't smile like that.  You look way more cooler if you're not smiling."  To demonstrate, he put on the sunglasses, leaned against a wall, and gave us his best blase stoneface.

"Wow," I said.  "That is really cool.  You really couldn't look any cooler."

"Yes I could," Jonah replied.  "I could be snapping."  And with that, he commenced snapping.

It was pretty cool.

WHY is this sideways??  Typepad, I wish I knew how to quit you.

In nerdier but no less cool news, the other day we saw the phrase "I like Ike" in a book.  "Ha," I said.  "It's funny because it was a presidential campaign slogan back in the day."  And then I explained what a campaign slogan was.  Jonah was Jonah-level interested.  "Ok," he said.  "Let's sit down, and you can tell me all the presidential campaign slogans for every President beginning with George Washington."

Exciting things are also afoot in Nateland.  His class did a project where everyone had to make a sculpture out of recycled materials.  Nate, who has previously been infamous in art class for such antics as refusing to do anything with his paper other than write numbers on it, worked really, really, REALLY hard on his project ("Extreme Rocket Ship").  He was then beyond excited to show it off at the 3-5th grade art show at open house, where parents and guests got to vote for their favorites.  And today he discovered that Extreme Rocket Ship tied for first place in the "3rd Grade" category.  To those of us who have spent more hours than we care to count cajoling him to draw whatever illustrations were required for homework, this was nothing short of a miracle.  Hurray for Nate!

I'm Going For Lot #9

I was in charge of putting the book together for our school's silent auction this year.  If you know anything about Nate, you probably can guess how he reacted to this turn of events: by obsessively monitoring the bidding and offering a lot of commentary to the bidders.  And, one day later, by turning out his very own auction book.  Which is why I found the following on our computer this morning:

Auction

Lot #1:

Two pencils and a pen. Minimum bid is 35 cents. Unknown value.

Lot #2:

A copy of the book “King With A Faire.” Minimum bid is $7 per copy. Value is $9.50 per copy.

Lot #3:

A copy of the book “The Story Of A Boy Who Loves Math." Minimum bid is $3.50 per copy. The value is $6.00 per copy.

Lot #4:

Nate, the auctioneer, has done it! A trip for you and the auctioneer to go minigolfing on a sunny day! Expires January 15, 2013. Minimum bid is $10.00. Value is about $46.00.

Lot #5:

A new set of fresh markers! Minimum bid is $5.50. Value is about $20.00.

Lot #6:

Just a highlighter. Minimum bid is 25 cents, and the value is probably $3.00.

Lot #7:

A trip for one or two students from the class to Montclair to go to yogafina with the auctioneer! Minimum bid is $5. Value is about $10.00 to $15.50.

Lot #8:

A three-hour play date with the auctioneer! Minimum bid is $10 if you want it at my house. It is $15 if you want it at your house. When you bid, please tell me if you want it at my house or your own house.

Lot #9:

Ah, your best dream. You’ll get ANY gift card of your choice as long as it is in my wallet. Minimum bid depends:

$0-$15= minimum bid of six dollars     

C'est Super!

Warning: Quick brag coming.

So this morning I discovered that kinder-Jonah can do simple multiplication in French.  Nate has long been known for his simple calculations in French, Spanish, Hebrew, Japanese, and States, but just for some fun nostalgia, when he was quizzing me on the time in French this morning, I asked him what quatre times sette is.  And about two minutes later, Jonah B appeared in the room, huge toothless smile on his face, and announced, "Vingt huit!" 

Where is David Letterman when you need him?

Naturellement, I then gave him a few more -- six times cinq, deux times neuf, sept times sept.  Without fail, Jonah gave me a beaming answer en francaise every time.  It was tres entertaining.  Although, to be fair, he did warn, "If it's any higher than soixante-dix, I can't say it in French."

Nevertheless, I gave him onze times onze, with the caveat that he could answer in English.  A few very quiet minutes later, he said, "One hundred twenty one!"

Mais oui!

He Can Get Mad At Me In Ten Years...

...but for now, how can I resist publishing the one act play I found on the computer tonight?  Without comment, I present Nom, Nom, Nom, by Nate H.

 

Person 1: Hello.

Person 2: Hello. How are you feeling today?

Person 1: Ok. I’m fine. Currently I’m reading a newspaper.

Person 2: What newspaper are you reading?

Person 1: Oh. I’m reading the Seattle Times.

Person 2: What page are you on?

Person 1: Page 7.

Person 2: Come on. You never rehearsed your lines. French Day is in 23 hours.

Person 1: 23 hours. Hmmmm. Oh no. You’re right. I was supposed to do that for the last five weeks!

Person 2: You can’t do it right now. It’s lunchtime. What are you eating?

Person 1: A cheese sandwich, two pieces of bread, some strawberries, and mango. Yes, I love mango.

Person 2: You’d better start eating. In total, it took me five hours to memorize all my lines.

Person 1: Nom nom nom. I just finished eating the last part of my lunch.

Person 2: Better start working! You’re reading a pretty scary newspaper.

After 15 minutes of conversation…

Person 1: Memorized them all.  

Person 2: Nom nom nom. I just finished eating. What are your lines?

Person 1: Bonjour. Je mappelle ___. Jai (9 or 10) ans. J’abite a Seattle Washington. We have a song for you about the alphabet.

Person 2: Yes. That’s right. Good bye!

 

Forbidden Fruit Drink

So the kids have never had soda, and Jonah really, really wanted to try it.  When we were at Disneyland last month with his friend, he begged me to let him have a soda at lunch.  Disneyland being special and all, I said that I would think about it.  This sad little non-promise got Jonah so excited that he ran off to shout-tell his friend, "I ASKED MY MOM IF I COULD TRY SODA AT LUNCH, AND SHE SAID MAYBE!!!  OH BOY, I MIGHT GET TO TRY SODA TODAY!!!"

Can you blame me if I found that a little heartbreaking?  It's possible I'm slightly Berkeley Brainwashed on the whole "soda=death" thing.  So I agreed on the spot, without even thinking about it, to let him try one soda once for only the one time only. 

Lunch time came, and, on the advice of his buddy, Jonah ordered a Sprite.  When I asked him how he liked it, he sighed and said, "Well, I didn't really like it.  I knew I should have ordered Coke instead."  So I checked it, and sure enough, he'd only had a sip.

Disneyland being special and all, I told him that since he hadn't really had any soda, he could order a Coke with dinner, and that could count for his one soda. 

Again: total excitement.  Jonah does excite easily, though.

So dinner came, and Jonah ordered his Coke.  He couldn't wait!  It was going to be life-changing!  His Coke arrived.  Jonah closed his eyes and took a long, rapturous sip.  "What do you think?" I asked.  "I LOVE IT!!!!!" he cried.

Aaaaaaaand he never touched it again.  And instead drank two glasses of water. And has never asked for soda again.  So there you go.

The Secret Of The Pirates' Revenge

OK. I have a game you'll probably like. It's called "The Secret Of The Pirates' Revenge." There are 3 difficulties: Beginner, Advanced, and Expert.

    There is a grid that is a pirate ship. Beginner is 8 by 8, advanced is 7 by 7, and expert is 6 by 10. You start with 8 swords, 3 hits, and 5 lives. You win if you are the Last Man Standing. I don't mean the Last Man Standing reality show.

    Things you need:

    Die

    Piece Of Paper

    A chess set

    Another player (you can only play with 2 players)

    Once again, you win when your opponent runs out of lives.

    You start in the center of the ship. The black side always moves first. Pieces are different.

    King

    The king is really important. He loses a life immediately if he gets hit by a sword. He takes a hit if he bumps into a wall. He is down for the remainder of the game if he falls off the ship. If he falls off after the queen falls off, you lose 3 lives. He can only move across or down up to 5 spaces (3 if you are doing expert). He ignores all mushrooms.

    Queen

    The queen can be moved at any time, even when it's not your turn. It has a 20 second recharge rate, and MUST be moved 3 spaces (7 in expert mode). It also can't pick up mushrooms, so be careful.

    Rook

    The rook is just like a king in normal chess, but now, you can jump 3 times during a turn. It can jump over any wall (it cannot jump over walls in expert mode), a cannonball, an enemy, or stomp on another character. If you jump on him sucessfully, then you earn back 1 hit. If unsucessful, you lose 2 hits (1 life in expert mode). It also loses a life immediately if it gets hit by a cannonball.

    Knight

    This one is easy. It is invincible unless it goes off the edge. It also can jump over obstacles, and can move 5 spaces. Wahoo! However you can only use it once every 5 turns. Use it wisely!

    Bishop

    There is no bishop.

    Pawn (sword)

    The pawn is just like a knight, except it can be hit if an enemy goes another way. It can also create walls. You can kill foes pretty easily! 

    Additional Rules:

1. If you fall off or get crushed by a wall, you lose a life.

2. If a sword is on your square, you lose one hit.

    Mushrooms:

    Green: Gives you one additional life.

    Blue: Spits out nine blue foes.

    Yellow: Gives you one extra hit.

    Poison: Makes you lose a life

    Red: Gives you 6 hits instead of 3

    Orange: Immediately knocks out an opponent

    Purple: Summons a purple swamp.

    Foes:

    Blue- absorbs 1 hit.

    Red- absorbs 3 hits.

    Purple Swamp: Takes away all mushrooms

    Green- Absorbs one hit and throws missles which absorb 2 hits

    Yellow- Puts a wall on any opponent.

    Walls cannot be crossed.

 

Plants Versus Zombies Challenges

    Hello! Have you gotten the app Plants Versus Zombies? It's a popular game, and it was the game of the year once. Here are some challenges. If you show me some pictures or mabye a video and you followed all the rules and you tell me who it was, I'll put your name next to the word "winner."

    Get Peking Express in under nine seconds

    Get 3 sun jackpots on Slot Machine

    Complete Last Stand with at least 3500 sun

    Complete Beghouled and Beghouled Twist without spending any sun or letting a single plant get eaten

    Show me all 22 hypnotised zombies

    Beat every I, Zombie level with 800 sun remaining (All your brainz r belong to us with 675 sun)

    Beat every Vasebreaker level by using only seven plants (you may use 9 on Hokey Pokey and 12 on Ace Of Vase). This can only be done when the update comes with Vasebreaker.

    Beat I, Zombie with 1500 sun.

    Complete every night level using only plants obtained in the day stage.

    Finish level 1-10 with only walnuts, potato mines, and cherry bombs (Pyromaniac Achievement!)

    Finish level 2-10 by using only doom-shrooms to kill zombies (Pyromaniac achievement!)

    Finish every roof level without plants obtained in the roof stage (Grounded Achievement!)

    Build in only 2 lanes on a single level

    I challenge you to beat level 4-9 (the foggiest fog level) with the guidelines below:

    You may not use aquatic plants, mushrooms, or fog clearing plants.

    I also challenge you to defeat level 5-9 (the hardest roof level) with the guidelines below:

    You may not use sun-producing plants, lobbed shots, umbrella leaves, or flower pots. Can you do it?

    Complete Bobsled Bonanza without planting any instant kills.

    Beat a night level other than level 2-1, 2-5, and 2-10 without picking up any sun.

    Grow your pile of zombies to a score of 59,227 or above.

    Get a full Zen Garden collection.

    Plant 25 Twin Sunflowers on a single level.

    Get 9990 sun on a nighttime level.

    Complete every roof level by planting only cabbage-pults.

    Explode 30 zombies with a single jalapeno.

    Destroy 75 zombies with a single Doom-shroom.

    Complete Zombiquarium with over 25 snorkel zombies in less than three minutes.

    Complete Beghouled, Beghouled Twist, Slot Machine, and Seeing Stars without letting the first Flag Zombie appear.

    Pick up 800 pieces of sun on a single level.

    Complete level 1-9 with the following guidelines:

    You may not use upgrade plants.

    You may only use plants that sleep during the day (except coffee bean which will be needed)

    You may not use puff-shroom, scaredy-shroom, sun-shroom, or ice-shrooms and doom-shrooms.

    Complete Dr. Zomboss's revenge in 8 minutes or less.

    Defeat any level by planting only defensive plants and sunflowers (use lawnmowers)

    Get 9990 sun on a nighttime level.

    Beat a Dancing Zombie before backup dancers appear.

    Get $700,000 before unlocking Crazy Dave's shop.

    Complete all pool minigames without using water plants.

    Beat any level by planting only spikeweeds and spikerocks.

    Get to at least 500 on I, Zombie Endless.

    Beat any level by planting only Sunflower, Walnut, and Chomper.

    Get past the gems from Bejewled before finishing Adventure mode even once.

    Get every achievement.

    Pick up 500 coins in a row on a single non-endless level without letting any disappear.

    INFINITELY MORE COMING VERY SOON!

 

 

Draw Something

    Hello! You should sign into Draw Something! It is a very fun app, and it is free! The first time I did one was 3 weeks ago with Uncle Kenneth, it was so funny. There are a few basics you need to know first:

 

    Drawing Turns

    On drawing turns, you'll get 3 options, easy (worth one coin), medium (worth 2 coins), and hard (worth 3 coins). You must choose one to draw for your opponent to guess. See opponents to see about opponents. You start with four random colors (one of them is always black), and you can spend coins on more colors which can be useful for getting longer streaks and earning more coins.

    Opponents

    Opponents are the people who guess some drawings. You can get opponents on Facebook, username, email, or random, but it is best to choose facebook, so you don't end up with a random stranger.

    Guessing Turns

    First, on guessing turns, you'll get to watch your opponent guess your drawing. Now you need to guess. You'll have twelve letters (if you use a bomb then you'll get down to 8) to guess from. You must attempt to guess their drawing correctly to earn coins for you AND your opponent. If you can't use a bomb and you're totally stuck, you can press the pass button to start a new match, but you won't earn any coins, and it'll tell you the correct answer. Sometimes, it won't give you all the letters you need which means it'l say turn 1 on the gray screen but you moved on to the next turn.

    Bombs

    Bombs are another thing you can spend coins on. These are unlimited. Let 10 bombs cost 400 coins, 20 bombs cost 720 coins, and 50 bombs for 1600 coins. You can buy 400 coins for $1.99, 1200 coins for $4.99, 3000 coins for $9.99, and a super pack of 10000 coins for $24.99, but it is best to only buy one of these if you are too impatient. Bombs can be used on guessing turns to get down to 8 letters or drawing turns to change the words.

    Coins

    Coins are earned by moving on to the next turn correctly, or buy buying them. You get 400 free coins and 5 free bombs when you update the app.

    This can also be downloaded on Android.

    So what are you waiting for? Request Andrea [last name deleted by editor/mom] right now.

    Here's a tip: It is better if you have a lot of Facebook friends.

Tips About Draw Something And Words With Freinds

    Hi! I want to tell you some notes about Draw Something And Words With Friends.

    Yesterday morning, I did not get iceskate but I got it correct later that day.

    The first drawing was a rink, not iceskate.

    I was laughing last evening while I was drawing tropical. Mom took a video of it.

    The word tropical is probably the hardest one, because it looks someting like sky, sand, coconuts, or palmtree and it is hard to think of an adjective to describe everything in the picture.

    Barny is an acceptable word and I did it last night for 51 points.

    This is because:

    B=3 points

    A=1 point

    R=2 point

    N=2 points

    Y=3 points.

    The a was on a triple word score.

    The Y was on a triple letter score.

    (3 + 1 + 2 +2 +9)3 = 51 points.

    Eche is an acceptable word.

    For some reason, both words aren't in dictonary.com.

`    I cannot wait for Elizabeth S. to guess tropical.